Sex

Answer: In our society, very poor examples are often set regarding relationships between men and women. Many in our society view premarital sex as "normal." As such, unmarried couples engage in the intimate activity that should be reserved for marriage. This includes passionate kissing and foreplay. This type of kissing and touching more often than not leads to intercourse. Of course, this is contrary to God's teaching. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 it says, "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." Clearly, in this verse, the apostle Paul is warning against the kind of intimate kissing and touching that can lead to sexual intercourse.

When it comes to dating, we encourage teenagers to not get romantically involved with someone of the opposite sex or have a "steady" boyfriend or girlfriend. Group dating and general social contact is much better for teens than pairing off with a specific individual. It is our general advice that one-on-one dating be reserved for the time people are ready (in respect to age, education and finances) to get married. In any event, the kind of passionate kissing and petting that you asked about should be reserved for marriage, where they can help build the special, intimate bond God designed.

For more information on this subject, read "A Touchy Subject: Hand-holding, Hugging, Kissing and More . . ." by David Treybig, which appeared in the Jan.-March 2004 Vertical Thought. You may also want to read "Sex, Dating and You" by Tom Clark, which appeared in an edition of Youth United.

Answer: The Bible does not mention masturbation by name. That means we must ask some questions to apply the appropriate principles from God's Word to find His perspective on the issue.

It's obvious God created sex to be enjoyable, but what is the setting He upholds as the place for sex to occur? It's always in marriage according to what we find in the Bible. Sex outside of marriage, whether with someone who is single (called fornication) or someone who is married to someone else (called adultery), is always condemned (see 1 Corinthians 6:18 and Galatians 5:19-21). In addition, Christ said that even looking on a woman with the intent of wanting to have sex with her is a violation of the commandment against adultery (Matthew 5:27-28). So God clearly teaches that sex belongs in marriage, not outside of it.

Sex is intended to be pleasurable, but it is obviously intended by God to be a pleasurable act that is shared between a husband and a wife. It forms a "pleasure bond," as some have described it, that helps emotionally unite the two people.

When you contrast that with masturbation (which is strictly for the pleasure of one person, whether male or female) it is obvious masturbation is outside of God's intent. It focuses on pleasing the self instead of a mate and is not the use of sex that brings the best long-term results in our lives.

As for whether masturbation is a sin or not, understanding the definition of sin can help us make that determination. One of the definitions of sin is "to miss the mark" (Vine's Expository Dictionary, art. "Sin"). Since masturbation misses the mark of what God intends for us, it is sin.

Answer: In our society, very poor examples are often set regarding relationships between men and women. Many in our society view premarital sex as "normal." Accepting this erroneous idea, many unmarried couples engage in intimate activity that should be reserved for marriage. 

Of course, this is contrary to God's teaching. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 it says: "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."

"Sexual immorality" includes any sex act that occurs outside the bounds of marriage between a husband and wife. Obviously, this would include fornication, which is sex prior to marriage. Clearly, the Scriptures show us that intercourse is only to take place within marriage.

In any event, the reasoning of your friend concerning sexual compatibility is unsound. That popular concept is often put forward as a justification for premarital sex. Study after study has shown that having sexual relations with someone before marriage actually increases the odds for divorce later on. Your happiness in marriage will be based on mutual respect and love, not on how well you make love. 

We suggest you explain to her that you are not in agreement with her reasoning and that you would like to save yourself for marriage. We know this may sound risky, but it is far more risky to your health and your future happiness to give in to her suggestion.

We also suggest reading the following articles before speaking with your friend. It will help you understand how you should view the subject and will help you in explaining it to her. 

The first article, titled "A Touchy Subject: Hand-holding, Hugging, Kissing and More," appeared in the January-March 2004 issue of Vertical Thought).

A second article, "Sex, Dating and You," appeared in the October-December 2001 edition of Youth United.

The Bible doesn't forbid dancing when it's done properly. Psalms 149:3 and 150:4 speak of praising God with dance. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to dance, and 2 Samuel 6:14 tells us that King David danced when the ark was being brought into the city.

As for why some teach against dancing, one reason is likely because many people don't dance properly. Some dance provocatively with sensual or sexual innuendos or suggestions by their movements. Some hold their partners too closely or touch in inappropriate places when dancing.

These types of dancing have given rise to the description of dancing as "hugging set to music."

Since music and dancing are by nature emotional expressions, dancing also has the potential to have sexual overtones that go against God's instructions about purity.

While there is no direct prohibition against dancing, we are told to live our lives in purity, moderation and as examples to others (1 Timothy 4:12 ; Matthew 5:14 -16).

This means that if we choose to dance, we should conduct ourselves in accordance with these instructions.