Being Single: A Blessing or a Curse?

Posted September 21, 2007

A commentary by Mary Miller

My cousin was recently married in the gorgeous setting of Amish Country—my fourth wedding to attend this summer. It is so exciting to see friends starting the adventure of marriage for a lifetime, but where does that leave those of us who are still single?

I am sure we can all relate to having a longing to belong to someone and feel the loneliness of being single. It may feel like the "curse" of being single will never end. But is singleness really a curse?

At my cousin's house the other night I picked up a book that I read years ago but had forgotten about. When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy has really made me think about my approach to being single.

In our longing to belong to someone, do we forget to focus enough on the One to whom we must ultimately belong? God must be our number one priority, and sometimes He gives us the gift of being single.

I don't know about you, but even being single, I have so much going on and so little time. Being in a relationship of necessity takes up time in our lives to develop, build and maintain that relationship. But being single grants the gift of time...

"He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife.

"There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).

Being single allows us to do many things we may otherwise not be able to:

• Serve others more. There are many ways in our lives in which we can serve God, people and society. While single, we have more time to devote to service outside a relationship.

• Focus on building a more solid foundation in our relationship with God. This needs to be a key part of our lives—"seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you" (Matthew 6:33). God loves us and wants us to put Him first. He also wants the best for us—including for our love lives!

• Develop skills for that future relationship. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, including those skills needed in a marital relationship. Whether they are physical skills like yard work, home repair, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., or emotional and spiritual skills, we all have areas we can improve for when the right time comes.

While being in a relationship leading toward marriage or being married is a great blessing from God, being single can be an immense blessing as well. Keep this in mind as you travel through the next days and months wondering when you will meet that special someone, and be thankful for the time you have been given to draw closer to God and prepare yourself for him or her.

For some good, vertical thinking and advice on finding that particular person, read The Right One. VT